Illinois: Your taxes be like crazy, your services be like nonexistent.
Indiana: You're cooler than I thought you would be. You are a 1...out of 10.
Ohio: You smell like barbecue sauce.
Kentucky: You're down with whisky. I'm down with you.
Tennessee: Nashville seemed pretty cool. I wish I had more time there.
Georgia: It was starting to get humid here. I'm glad I didn't venture further southeast.
Alabama: Maybe I would enjoy you more if it wasn't raining the whole time I was there.
Mississippi: A bit humid for my taste.
Louisiana: A bit buggy for my taste. Still too humid.
Texas: Everything is bigger here. Your speed bumps are more similar to anti-terrorism vehicle barriers in the rest of the country.
New Mexico: You caught me off guard. I didn't know there was a "New" Mexico. The times we live in...
Arizona: You are dry, and don't seem that hot...And then you touch something that has been outside for five minutes.
Utah: U suck.
Colorado: Everyone here seems to think that 5-15 mph bellow the speed limit is acceptable. It is not.
Wyoming: Why would I want to come back here? Easy, Grand Teton National Park.
South Dakota: The coolest thing you have to offer is the Corn Palace. Maybe it's time to get your act together.
Iowa: You're still a thing?
Minnesota: There are more hipsters here than expected. I will refer to the St. Paul/Minneapolis area as Portland Junior.
Wisconsin: I like cheese and beer. I guess I don't hate you. The packers still suck.